Last Tuesday morning I was on my way to outdoor yoga when I was paralyzed. A flagman wouldn’t let me onto the main road to reach my destination. Five minutes passed and I tooted my horn. He threw up his arms as if to say, “What?” Eventually, he approached my car, informing me that it would be an additional 15 minutes before I could move. The flagman pounded hit cigarette pack and said, “You can’t go in either direction. They’ll yank me off the job.” Knowing I would miss my morning ritual, my blood was boiling. The inefficiency, the lack of communication, and the disappointment that I wouldn’t be physically moving my body, it felt like paralysis all over again. Ironically, a blog on paralysis popped into my head earlier that very morning.
Although it bothered me, my anger response didn’t surprise me. In 1982 when I was in the hospital, truly paralyzed from the chest down, anger was my Go To. I was angry for EVERYTHING ~ including having to wait for people to do their jobs. Sometimes the inefficiency and lack of care were mind blowing. That’s what burst my bubble of tranquility Tuesday.
My thoughts of writing a blog on paralysis had nothing to do with what happened Tuesday morning but EVERYTHING plays into it.
The Pause* that stopped the world in March 2020 continues with a trickle down of change from the norm.
The New** has arrived and not many are fans of what it has brought to light. On some level we all feel paralyzed, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. The feeling of being Locked Down or unable to move are very familiar to someone who was truly paralyzed. It’s disturbing to say the least.
Reflecting on my response Tuesday morning to something so small yet so big to me, I see how anger has led the charge as people emerge from COVID-19 paralysis to an ever changing world. Nothing is the same.
I’d guess my “Fall From Grace” took less that a minute. In mere seconds my existence switched from fully functioning to the inability to feel my limbs and invoke a response. My recovery initially took 4 months ~ that is to be able to move in an upright position. How my body responded to the world, on the physical plane ~ that’s with me to this day, nearly 38 years later.
The Coronavirus has paralyzed each of us to a certain degree. I for one am thrilled that the illness hasn’t darkened my doorstep, throwing a monkey wrench into my life. At times, it has caused some mental and emotional paralysis. I diligently put forth effort to find balance.
I have the gift of travel in my life ~ paralyzed now. Uncertainty keeps me home.
I have the gift of a great family and amazing friends ~ paralyzed now. Lack of face to face encounters and physical distance keeps all of us at bay.
I have all of my basic needs met. Yet paralysis enters now. What I can’t do comes to mind and I experience those unpleasant feelings, reminding myself of the abundance and grace in my life.
I have great LOVE in my life. Paralyzed now. Emotionally I get lost and distance keeps me from fulfilling my emotional needs.
All this and I know I am a fortunate one. In 1982, physical paralysis entered my life. Since then, I’ve noticed how paralysis comes in many forms and it hits us on countless levels. When we emerge from it, nothing is normal, EVERYTHING has changed. Embracing The New**, that’s what will support us even as our dreams feel shattered.
Humanity has a long way to go to start walking this earth again with a good stride. We are still in the wobbly faze of our recovery. Yes we can stand, we can get up from a chair unassisted, we can even take some unsteady steps, but we are far from running or competing in a marathon. There are innumerable levels of healing and knowing ourselves in this ever-changing world.
I have faith that the world will recover and be better for this experience. Initially, it will look and feel foreign to us. If we allow it, it will teach us to display more love and compassion for ourselves and for others. During my recovery, I journeyed from angry to sadness to confusion to life. At times the cycle continues, but there is also the cycle that goes; thank you, I love you, I appreciate all that you have given to me. That’s the inner mantra that has kept me in my good life for 38 years and counting. In comparison, paralysis was a blip in time. Be well… Nancy T
Please refer to past blogs for more on: *The Pause. ** The New.