Post Traumatic Growth

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has become a common phrase. PTSD comes in many forms and it can make life difficult to maneuver with trauma lurking in the background. In 1982, after falling 40’ off a cliff and crushing three vertebrae in my upper back paralysis followed. At the tender age of nineteen, I was certainly traumatized. 

After having dreams of falling and not waking before I plunged over the edge for years, I decided it was time to revisit the area that changed my life. When I told people in 1985 that I was going back to my cliff, the reactions didn’t feel very supportive. Many people outwardly expressed their feelings by telling me I was crazy. I didn’t feel crazy, in fact, it felt crazy to keep falling off a cliff in my dreams on a regular basis. Knowing what I needed for myself, I planned the trip, I went to Little Grand Canyon, I experienced what it felt like to lay on the boulder that crushed my spine, I felt tears fill my ears and overflow their borders, I walked out of the canyon under my own power, and I never dreamt of falling off a cliff again.

In 1990, another journey back in time with my friend Michael was in order. For the man who was behind me when I fell, life carried its own trauma: walking away unscathed as your friend lay paralyzed in a hospital. Yet, telling his story to me as we walked through the canyon, retracing our steps, Michael found some answers to the questions left dangling eight years prior. When he asked if he could climb to the surface of the cliff I agreed because he needed to complete his journey knowing I was healthy below the cliff’s edge. I knew I didn’t need to climb to the top ~ my answers rested in the rock that changed my world. Many details, stories, and therapies that shaped my life are described in my book, “Finding My Way From Paralysis To A Rich, Full Life.” *

October 12, 2022, forty years after my fall, I returned to the scene of the crime, this time with my life partner. We started in the rain and ended in sunshine. Many stories and memories filled that day as well as weeks prior and days to come. However, thirty-two years in the making, on that day, an undeniable peace filled me. I sat where my friends had been in a solid rock amphitheater staring toward the cliff. Presently, a downed tree blocked the view of the cliff. Images from 1982 filled my mind. Thoughts of my friends witnessing my airborne acrobatics and crushing blow as I landed upon a boulder still leaves me wondering how I survived and thrived in life. Several friends have passed before me, yet I remain. 

I slowly made my way up the side of the hillside just under the cliff over moss covered rock, limbs, and brush. I held on to a tree that captured my focus for hours as I waited for rescue. I leaned into the rocks with my backpack imitating the crushing boulder and I recalled the moments before help arrived. I had spent hours staring at the trees with only the fall colors and the fading blue sky keeping me company. Peace coupled with gratitude filled every cell. I thought of my life at nineteen and my life at fifty-nine; the two are worlds apart. No longer confused and wanting so much to change in my life, presently all is well. I recognized my good life very clearly. Cautiously and consciously I returned to canyon floor, to my partner. I hugged her and thanked her for joining me on this journey.

Little Grand Canyon is a beautiful place. It is a rugged place. It is a place that changed my life, perhaps not initially but certainly permanently. Going back allowed me to move forward, to release, to sense, to understand myself and my world on every level. 

My teacher, friend, client Colleen recently shared the term Post Traumatic Growth. I have to say, that sums it up beautifully. PTSD is tough to live with… PTG is the way to go but it takes effort, faith, love, and tons of support to get there. That’s how I found my way to

P = Peace.

T = Truth.

G = Gratitude.

Be well ~ Nancy T

* For more information on “Finding My Way From Paralysis To A Rich, Full Life,” or to obtain a Free copy during the month of October 2022 please contact Nancy T @ nmt1@naturalmassagetherapy.com (postage required if mailed: US only).