Loneliness

“Loneliness… is the shuttering of your heart.”

Not long ago loneliness crept into my heart and left me questioning myself. So, I walked the path of loneliness to see what I could find. A major discovery; the mind was in charge. Once I followed the loneliness track, it was like a field day for my mind. Every thought became a challenge to overcome. It was like walking a minefield, desperately trying to take the right step. A misstep potentially led to disaster.

The funny thing, I was invited to be with people but in my present state of being, I did not follow through on every invitation. I went into my nurturing state and headed for the outdoors. Nature nurtures. In my case, nature fills my heart and settles me. I spoke to friends by phone and shared my despair. I attended Kirtan meditation and allowed the sounds of the instruments, the voices around me, and the vibration to transport me to the world of inner peace. As my mind angled to take charge once again, I recited a chant in my head to occupy the space my mind was desperately trying to fill. Eventually, I surrounded myself with people who made me laugh and allowed me to share.

Loneliness showed me once again how powerful the mind can be and how, if we let it, we believe what it produces. In my case, old thought patterns stood in the dark waiting to overshadow my light. Old patterns have a tremendous ability to lie in wait and pounce at just the right time.

Shock played into this scenario as well. It has been a short time since my “Trip of a Lifetime” down under. How in the world could I be feeling blue? The truth is, I was holding some grief for that part of my life as well. Missing the adventure, the daily sense of awe.

In my youth, I watched “Bewitched” and wished for the ability to wiggle my nose and transport myself anywhere. Dr. Bombay used to “pop in” from the Galapagos Islands to help. I could relate to his character. I’m not here to fix, I am here to help. If I was Bewitched, I would have popped in to say hello and to share some time. Just know that I was thinking of you… you know who you are….

Our emotions can take us to places we’d rather not be. What we learn in the process is beneficial. What I learned is I like to share my love with people. I do that in the form of writing, talking, laughing, touching, walking, and being in this world. The unshuttering of my heart makes me know I am alive and I have choices. Be well… Nancy T

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